Erectile Dysfunction can have a profound effect on a man's life and on his relationship. It can cause loss of intimacy, lack of dialogue and resentment between partners. This is because impotence strikes at the very heart of a man's self-confidence, so when it occurs, many men instinctively try to avoid both sex and discussion of the problem with their partner.
From a partner's perspective, the inexplicable communication breakdown can be confusing. Contrary to the fears of many women, a penis that won't get erect is not evidence of a lack of male sexual desire. Any number of issues (anxiety chief among them) may override even a strong libido. Suffers may emotionally and physically withdrew from their partners due to the fear that any physical affection will precipitate a request or desire for intercourse and remind them of their inability to achieve an erection. This may prompt their partner to struggle with the notion that they are no longer attractive, Even if they are assured to the contrary.
A third of ED cases are due to psychological reasons, with the rest caused by physical conditions or more frequently, a combination of the two. In most cases, the situation is "mixed," with significant secondary psychological and social components such as guilt, depression, anxiety, tension or marital discord being present in addition to one or more underlying physical causes. The presence of ED will normally cause some anxiety in a man which, in turn, will make it more difficult to get an erection next time – and so on. This is a common cause of temporary impotence and there can be very few sexually active men who have never experienced it in their lives. This 'betrayal' by their bodies leaves men depressed, vulnerable and often close to despair. As a result of these negative emotions, the taking of ED treatments are often shrouded in shame and secrecy, furthering the gulf between partners.
This secrecy may also extend to newer relationships. Many men take ED treatments to help alleviate performance anxiety and help sell themselves as a sexual superman early in a relationship. But once things get serious, he may find it difficult to perform without the support of ED treatments yet he may have never told his partner that he was taking treatments in the first place. This lie of omission could prove hurtful and difficult to forgive for the relevant partner.
Taking ED treatments creates a potential set of dilemmas. Scientists have found that, while men don't develop physical dependencies on the drugs or loss of normal function if they stop taking them after extended use, psychological dependence is a different matter altogether. The effect of this psychological dependence may be twofold when the man is taking treatments in secret and is unable to discuss the issue with his partner. Erectile dysfunction does not respond well to neglect and may erode a relationship if not discussed in an open and frank fashion.
By James Kirby Phd
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